Sunday, June 16, 2013

What people are saying about The Zach Chronicles

“The Zach Chronicles is raw, colorful and hysterical. Kelty’s writing style is extreme, playful and creative. These stories jump off the pages and drench you with margaritas and bodily fluids. And she makes you laugh throughout. Alternately clever and crude – always funny. Candie Kelty is a wonderful, edgy blend of David Sedaris, Candace Bushnell and Charles Bukowski. And she has some legendary decolletage, which she ain’t afraid to use for our entertainment. If you like those writers, you’ll love this book.”

–Brian Palermo (The Tonight Show, The Social Network)


“You know the things you've done, in private that you pray to god no one ever finds out about? The things you hide. You lie about. These are the things you don't write about graphically in a light, witty, magical, way as if you are telling a story about tea with a friend. Kelty apparently never learned this, because she takes what should be a shocking expose of her worst life choices and drops them on you like glorious, whimsical urban fairy tales. Beautiful, hilarious, outrageous fairy tales that lift you out of your own fucked up secrets and let you laugh and gasp at the genius idea of douching your vagina with cayenne pepper to fix fibroids. GENIUS.”

Cheryl Holliday (Emmy winning Producer, Mike and Molly, King of the Hill)


"It's hilarious!!! I was cracking up so much last night, my husband finally made me stop reading. This morning I woke him up with my snort laughter. Very funny!!"

then:

 "GREAT GREAT GREAT read!!! I really enjoyed reading your book. You are hilarious!!! I applaud your candidness and courage to open up about some of the stupid but hilarious (I can admit to that now that I'm older, hee) things we do when we are in our 20's!!!
I just fell in love with both of you and actually CRIED when I got to the end (I don't want to give the ending away).

Candie, I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR book!!
Congratulations on writing such a funny book!! I wish you all the success in the world and I'll be sure to tell others to buy a copy of this hilarious book! Thank you for making me laugh!!
BTW, my husband has already started reading it and is cracking up already!!"


Facebook post  

The Zach Chronicles is now available!

"The Zach Chronicles: My First Book of Poor Life Choices" is now available on Amazon, in print and for the Kindle.

A long time ago I lived with a guy named Zach.  We met through a mutual friend on AOL, back in the day.  I had grown up in a very strict revivalist cult and had recently quit.  I was turned lose on my own and sort of figured things out as I went along.  It's basically a bunch of stories of me being a dumbass and trying to make my way in the world.  I mean, a complete dumbass.

Thankfully, when I called Zach to get his permission to use his real name, he was a few martinis into the evening and agreed.

I wrote the whole thing with little editing because I was trying to stay true to my voice, and the sort of casual writing that goes along with the theme of the book.  It is layer upon layer of silly, not to be taken seriously, and hopefully you can sit down and have a few giggles.  :)

The Zach Chronicles Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Zach-Chronicles/310151029116160?fref=ts

Buy The Zach Chronicles on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Zach-Chronicles-First-Choices/dp/0615822428

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Zach Chronicles

My book "The Zach Chronicles: My First Book of Poor Life Choices" will be available soon on e-book, audio and print. 

I had grown up in a cult and had lead an unusual life separate from the rest of the world.  In my twenties I lived with a friend named Zach.  Things kind of went a little haywire.